i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
sex in a hospital.. check
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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