i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
