He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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