Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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