I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
