everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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