I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
