Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Yes give me all the cream and he's gone

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  (919): Yes give me all the cream and he's gone http://tfl.nu/m4vo
  Replies (2) Good night (960) Bad night (556)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church

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  (501): if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church http://tfl.nu/2izr
  Replies (15) Good night (1838) Bad night (2358)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee

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  (410): She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee http://tfl.nu/dwkb
  Replies (20) Good night (1074) Bad night (3569)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step

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  (617): I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step http://tfl.nu/7m4i
  Replies (7) Good night (4554) Bad night (1185)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity

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  (610): Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity http://tfl.nu/heka
  Replies (12) Good night (1254) Bad night (3777)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.

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  (678): I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever. http://tfl.nu/08jg
  Replies (9) Good night (2568) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.

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  (201): You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow. http://tfl.nu/omx3
  Replies (7) Good night (806) Bad night (1415)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.

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  (510): Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her. http://tfl.nu/i4zz
  Replies (9) Good night (2243) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!

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  (770): Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?! http://tfl.nu/n67z
  Replies (12) Good night (606) Bad night (1133)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap

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  (806): Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap http://tfl.nu/wtva
  Replies (5) Good night (1337) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually

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  (931): i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually http://tfl.nu/wdhn
  Replies (3) Good night (1028) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.

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  (317): SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON. http://tfl.nu/7e01
  Replies (3) Good night (1000) Bad night (383)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again

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  (484): HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again http://tfl.nu/udnf
  Replies (0) Good night (365) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"

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  (480): Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!" http://tfl.nu/823i
  Replies (0) Good night (393) Bad night (221)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.

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  (215): I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking. http://tfl.nu/36vi
  Replies (4) Good night (289) Bad night (663)

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