I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number