Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
