Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
