I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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