dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐