you traded sex for a burrito?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.