Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
