I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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