Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
