Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
