u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
