Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
