Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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