I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
