dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
