I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
