I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize