Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
