She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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