just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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