we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
