I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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