i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
