the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
