i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
