glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
