Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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