Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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