Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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