meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
