Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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