well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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