wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
