You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
