Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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