how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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