apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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