so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
