i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
