I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
