i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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