thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
