i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
