you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
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I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
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We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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