Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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