So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
