I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
