Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
