I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
