if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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