I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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