A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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