we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
