Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
