She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
