I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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