What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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