be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
