Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
