we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
