well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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