i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Randomize
