we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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