Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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