His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
