So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
