its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
