Don't you send me to vm
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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