no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
