capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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