I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
